Oh, no. Whatever could that be?
[SCREAMS]
Ghost, meet Winchester.
GIRL: Cut!
Maggie. Siobhan.
Is this some kind of a joke to you?
Siobhan, this scene takes place...
...before the events of Carver Edlund's unpublished masterpiece...
...Dark Side of the Moon.
- So? - Meaning, where is the Samulet?
Oh...
I took it off. It kept hitting me in the lips and...
That amulet is a symbol of the Winchesters' brotherly love.
You need to take one for the team.
Look, I'm just here for the college credit.
Ugh. How dare you?
People. People.
[WOMAN SIGHS]
Okay. I've had three weeks of this crap-show, and I am done.
There is too much drama in the Drama Department.
I'm going to Principal Salazar in the morning.
- No, no, no. Mrs. Chandler, please. - It's over, Marie.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
All right. Everybody back to one.
Until we are all suspended, the show must go on.
Why couldn't they just do Godspell like good little skanks?
Instead, it's this awful, unbelievable horror story.
Mm!
Like that stuff really happens.
Theater is about life, you know? Truth. Truth.
Where is the truth in Supernatural?
[RUSTLING]
[GASPS]
[YELLING]
Get it off! Get off!
[SCREAMING]
I mean, it's close. But it just... It needs a little more - argh!
[GORDON LIGHTFOOT'S "SUNDOWN" PLAYING OVER STEREO]
LIGHTFOOT [SINGING]: I can see her lying back in her satin dress
In a room where you do What you don't confess
Sundown, you better take care
If I find you been creeping
'Round my back stairs
Sundown, you better take care...
- Hey. - Hey.
- How long you been up'? - Long enough to find us a case.
I take it that means you're feeling back to normal?
Yeah, whatever normal is in our world.
So, uh, right here. Ahem.
A teacher at an all-girls school went missing in Flint, Michigan.
She was, uh, headed to her car and then disappeared.
Nobody's seen her since.
There's nothing here that even remotely suggests there's a case.
There is nothing there that even remotely suggests there isn't a case. Boom.
- Come on, man. - Sam, out there hunting...
it's the only normal I know.
We got work to do.
SAM: Oh, of course. Yes, I'd certainly appreciate it.
You got it. Thanks, officer.
So the last place Mrs. Chandler was seen by anyone...
...was in the auditorium.
Turns out she's the drama teacher.
Theater kids. Great.
- Well, I was a theater kid. - Barely.
You did Our Town, which was cool. But then you did that crappy musical.
Oklahoma!? Hugh Jackman got cast off Oklahoma!
You ran tech, Wolverine.
Shut up.
If you gentlemen need anything else, just let me know.
Great. Thanks, Ms. Salazar.
GIRL 1: Idiots.
You idiots.
- You are idiots. GIRL 2: Hey, assbutt.
Hey, assbutt.
[PIANO PLAYING UP-TEMPO]
[SINGING] John and Mary, husband and wife
Bringing home a brand-new life
His name is Sammy I'm big brother Dean
The perfect family Or so it seemed
The demon's visits had begun
It believed Sam was the chosen one
It burned my mother And it cursed my brother
Leaving us in tears
On the road so far
Yeah, the road so far
We are in Dad's car
Cut. All right, go talk to the Lighting Department.
- And I'm gonna go talk to Siobhan. GIRL 3: Okay.
MARIE: That was really, really good. - What in the holy“?
There is a case.
- Probably has something to do with all this. - You think?
MARIE: ...a little more bounce in it, okay? - Publisher?
Yeah.
- Maggie, Marie just never stops. - I know. You were great.
Oh, my gosh. Are you guys from the publisher? I'm Marie, the writer-slash-director.
This is Maeve, my stage manager. And that was just a dress... Mm.
[IN DISTINCT CHATTER]
I'm, uh, Special Agent Smith. This is my partner, Special Agent...
- Smith. - ...Smith.
No relation. Heh.
- We're hereto look into the disappearance. - There is no singing in Supernatural.
Well, this is Marie's interpretation...
Ha.
Well, I mean, if there was singing, you know... And that's a big "if."
If there was singing, it would be classic rock.
Not this Andrew Floyd Webber crap.
- Andrew Lloyd Webber. - What?
Well, you know, we do sing a cover of "Carry On Wayward Son" in the second act.
- Really? - Oh.
BOTH [IN UNISON]: It's a classic.
Right. Anyways, we're here to talk about the disappearance of Mrs. Chandler.
Any chance you two saw her before she vanished?
Yeah. She left around like, what, 9:30?
Any idea where she would be headed that time of night?
A bar. Or a liquor store. Both.
- Wow. Really? - She had a nasty divorce last year.
Most of the time, shes sipping on her, uh, grown-up juice or passed out.
- Usually in that order. - Yeah, well, I don't blame her.
I'm gonna need 50 Jell-O shots and a hose-down to get this stink off me.
- Maeve, right? You're the stage manager. - And I understudy Jody Mills.
- What? SAM: That's great. That's great.
Jody Mills. That's great. Ahem.
So how about you give me a, uh, behind-the-scenes tour...
...while your director shows my partner Mrs. Chandler's office?
- Deal? Great. Give us a moment, please. MARIE: Okay.
- I'm gonna throw up. SAM: I mean, I gotta say, it's kind of charming.
The production value and the... No? No. No. Ahem.
I'm gonna check for EMF. You... You look for, uh, cursed objects.
GIRL: I think we need to reposition.
How'd you get all this stuff?
Some parts homemade, some parts repurposed.
All of it awesome.
Don't...
Please don't.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
- What are they doing? - Oh, uh...
They're rehearsing the BM scene.
- The bowel-movement scene? - No.
No, the boy-melodrama scene.
You know, the scene where the boys get together...
...and they're driving or leaning against Baby...
...drinking a beer, sharing their feelings.
The two of them, alone but together.
Bonded. United. The power of their...
Why are they standing so close together?
Uh...
Reasons.
You know they're brothers, right?
Well, duh. But subtext.
Why don't you take a substep back there, ladies?
SAM: Now, have you noticed anything strange during the production?
I mean...
...any odd noises or...?
You mean something like this?
[WOMAN SCREAMING]
Or perhaps this?
[GHOSTLY WHISPER]
- Right. Of course. - How about this?
I got it. Thanks.
Heh. You know, back when I did tech in school, we had two CD decks.
Oh, sorry. I have to go sign for a delivery.
Please don't touch anything.
[OVER SPEAKER] Sorry.
[EMITS BEEPING SOUNDS]
- This hers? - No.
That's a prop from act two. I've been looking for that, actually.
There's no space in Supernatural.
Well, not canonically, no. But this is transformative fiction.
Oh. You mean fan fiction.
Call it whatever you like, okay? It's inspired by Carver Edlund's books.
With a few embellishments.
Well, as you know, Chuck stopped writing after Swan Song.
I just... I couldn't leave it the way that it was.
I mean, Dean not hunting anymore, living with Lisa.
Sam somehow back from hell but not with Dean.
So, um, I wrote my own ending.
You wrote your own ending? With spaceships?
And robots. And some ninjas. And then Dean becomes a woman.
It's just for a few scenes.
All right, Shakespeare, you know I can tell you what really happened with Sam and Dean?
A friend of mine hooked me up with the, uh, unpublished unpublished books.
So Sam came back from hell but without his soul.
Then Cass brought in a bunch of leviathans from purgatory.
Uh, they lost Bobby.
And then Cass and Dean got stuck in purgatory.
Sam hit a dog.
They met a prophet named Kevin. They lost him too.
Then Sam underwent a series of trials...
...in an attempt to close the gates of hell.
Which nearly cost him his life.
And Dean? Well, Dean became a demon.
A knight of hell, actually.
- Wow. - Yup.
That is some of the worst fan fiction that I have ever heard.
I mean, seriously, though, where'd your friend find this garbage?
I'm not saying that ours is a masterpiece or anything, but jeez.
[MARIE SIGHS]
- I'll have to send you some fic links later. - What are they doing?
Um...
Kids these days call it hugging.
- Is that in the show? - Oh.
No. Siobhan and Kristen are a couple in real life.
Although we do explore the nature of Destiel in act two.
- Sorry, what? - Oh, it's just subtext.
But then again, you know, you can't spell subtext without...
...S-E-X.
SAM: I don't understand. - Me neither.
I mean, shouldn't it be "Deastiel"?
Really? That's your issue with this?
No. Of course it's not my issue.
You know, how about "Sastiel"? "Samstiel"?
Okay, you know what? You're gonna do that thing where you just shut the hell up forever.
Uh, look, we had no EMF. No hex bags.
None of their props are even remotely hinky.
Other than the Charlie Kaufman of it all, I got nothing. You?
Ms. Chandler's office was just a pile of empty bottles and regret.
She's probably facedown in a bar somewhere or a ditch.
All right, so, what, this whole musical thing, everything, it's just-l?
It's all a coincidence? There is no case?
Unless you're seeing something I'm not, no, Dean, there's no case here.
Okay.
- Casdean? - Shut your face.
Get in the car.
Maggie, come on.
[MARIE SIGHS]
Please don't do this.
Everyone else is willing to follow your little dictatorship.
But not me. I've been telling you all along, Marie.
If it's not canon, then it shouldn't be in the show.
We should have just done The Outsiders like I told you.
Just come back inside. We can make this work.
I'm going to Principal Salazar's in the morning.
Gonna do what Mrs. Chandler was too drunk to finish.
Great.
[RUSTLING]
[MAGGIE SCREAMING]
MARIE: Maggie?
Maggie!
I understand. All right. Thank you for the help, officer. Appreciate it.
I checked with the principal.
There's nothing on the surveillance tapes. What do the cops think?
You know, the only clue they found was by the Dumpster.
They found the same flower near Mrs. Chandler's cell phone.
- You recognize it? - No.
Yeah, me neither.
MAEVE: Made you some tea.
Hey.
Let me guess. You guys came here to laugh at me too, right?
Why don't you tell us what happened to your friend?
Maggie quit the show.
She was trying to get us shut down, and so we were fighting.
Then she left, and I heard her scream.
So I ran outside to help.
And...
And I saw a scarecrow.
It looked just like the one from our show, but...
...alive.
Then what?
It wrapped her up in vines and took her behind a Dumpster.
And then they were both just gone.
So I called the cops, and a bunch of adults just told me I had an overactive imagination.
But it's all real.
Ghosts. Angels.
- Demons. - I want to believe.
You should believe. You both should.
Because it is all real.
And so are we.
I'm Sam Winchester. That's Dean.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Okay. Now, look. Ahem.
I'm willing to accept that monsters are real.
But those books are works of fiction.
And you guys are way too old to be Sam or Dean.
MARIE: Oh, yeah. - More of a Rufus-Bobby combo. Maybe.
Okay. All right.
Little Miss Sunshine, we are what the books call hunters.
- FBI hunters? - Yeah.
You guys are X-Files.
Sure. Yeah. You could say that.
So this scarecrow in your musical, is it based on the one from the books?
No. I changed it.
I got scared of a local legend when I was a kid.
There was this old creepy scarecrow on an abandoned farm outside of town.
Kids used to say if it caught you, it would take you away.
If this scarecrow was based off of your version, Ms. Chandler and Maggie might still be alive.
You think the scarecrow was created by the play?
You think it's a Tulpa.
SAM: Tulpas are monsters that are created by intense focused energy on an idea.
- Yeah, or a story. - Great. How do you kill an idea?
Well, in Hell House...
...Sam and Dean burned the house down to take out the Tulpa they hunted.
Yeah. You kill the symbol, you kill the Tulpa.
It's, uh, actually a pretty good start
So the scarecrow in your play, is it a person or a prop?
Prop. And it's terrifying.
We keep it in the boiler room.
That's, uh, great. Um...
Okay, you guys read up. Just give us a second.
So this doesn't add up.
Tulpas require a ton of psychic energy to juice up.
- Yeah. - It's not like the Supernatural books...
mare tearing up the New York Times best-seller list.
I seriously doubt this play is even sold out.
- Hope not. - But you know what? This flower.
I know I've seen it in the lore somewhere.
- There's gotta be a connection. - You get on that.
- I'm gonna take a shot at Burning Man. - Yeah.
Can you show me to the boiler room?
Yeah.
Sure.
Gird your loins.
It's horrifying.
- Really? - I know.
Scary, right?
You wanna pinata this asshat?
"Asshat"? Nice. It's, uh, very Dean.
No. He's all yours, Agent Smith.
[GRUNTS]
Thank you.
- We came, we saw, we kicked... - it's not a Tulpa.
DEAN: What? - It's not a Tulpa.
Say it one more time but just a little bit more Arnold.
- "It's not a Tulpa." - Dude, come on. It's Calliope.
- Who? MAEVE: The goddess of epic poetry.
- The muse. SAM: She's associated with this.
The Borage or Starflower. That's the picture.
Wait, if this is a god thing, whats with the scarecrow?
SAM: According to the lore, Calliope manifests creatures from the stories she's tuned into.
MARIE: So the scarecrow is still alive.
- We burned my prop for nothing? - That thing needed to burn.
The only way to destroy the scarecrow is to kill Calliope.
Right. She uses these manifestations, like the scarecrow...
...to inspire the author and protect them until their vision is realized.
Then what?
Then she eats the author.
Okay, that's bad.
Well, you get your wish.
- Let's cancel the show. SAM: That's what the others did.
They tried to shut you down, and the scarecrow took them.
Protected you and the show.
So the scarecrow is the bogeyman. We gotta take our shot with this, uh...
- Calliope. - ...Calliope.
But she won't show herself until your vision is realized.
So, what are you saying?
The show must go on.
[GRUNTS]
[PANTING]
- Why don't I...? - You guys rally Marie.
I'm gonna grab some wooden stakes from the trunk and do the blessing.
Is Marie gonna get eaten?
Not gonna happen.
Soon as that curtain rises, we are gonna be there to take out this Calliope.
Hey. Hey.
How you doing, champ?
This...
This is all my fault.
If I hadn't written this dumb play, none of this would have happened.
Well, first of all, the play's not dumb.
I thought you didn't believe in this interpretation.
Yeah, I don't.
Like, at all. But you do, okay?
And I need you to believe in it with all you got...
...so that we can kill Calliope and we can save your friends.
Can you do that?
Yeah. You're right.
If Sam and Dean were real, they wouldn't back down from a fight.
Especially my sweet, brave, selfless Sam.
- There's nothing he can't do. - No.
[MARIE SIGHS]
[EXHALES]
Okay.
Let's do this.
I understudy Sam, so...
I used this for my one-woman Orphan Black show last year.
But it's gonna have to work for Sam.
Writer.
Director.
Actor.
I'm gonna Barbra Streisand this bitch.
[IN DISTINCT CHATTER]
MARIE: Okay. Good.
Good. Okay. Good.
Perfect.
All right, Samulet?
The Samulet?
That amulet is a symbol of the Winchesters' brotherly love.
GIRL: I'm so excited.
MARIE: Okay, good. Good.
SAM: Ahem. Hey.
DEAN: Yeah.
Okay.
Pretty good. Wait a second. Where's Chuck?
H, I love him. I do.
But, honestly, the whole "author inserting themselves into the narrative" thing...
...it's just not my favorite.
I kind of hate the meta stories.
BOTH [IN UNISON]: Me too.
All right, listen up, girls.
Now, I know you're all here because you love Supernatural.
Actually, I was hoping we'd do Wicked.
Yeah, that'd have been easier. Uh...
I have expressed some differences of opinion regarding this version of Supernatural.
But tonight it is all about Marie's vision.
This is Marie's Supernatural.
So I want you to get out there, and I want you to stand as close as she wants you to...
...and I want you to put as much sub into that text as you possibly can.
There is no other road, no other way, no day but today.
- Did he just quote Rent? - Not enough to get us in trouble.
- You get out there and you kick it in the ass. - All right. Bring it in.
ALL: Ghostfacers.
[use-n APPLAUSE]
Good evening, everybody. Welcome to our production of Supernatural.
Not gonna lie.
It might be a full-on Gallagher show up in this piece. Heh.
So those of you in the front rows may want to use the ponchos we provided under your seats.
You may, in fact, get wet on this ride.
Um, I would... I would like to thank the, uh, cast and the crew.
- Okay. She's stalling. Let's do this. MAEVE: Copy that.
Curtain, kids. It's show/time.
- Ready? Roll sound. Go. MARIE: I'd like to thank the school board...
[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC SWELLS OVER SPEAKERS]
Okay. Uh, and that concludes our introduction for the night.
So everybody just sit back, relax and enjoy the show.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
Everyone in places.
[SINGING] John and Mary, husband and wife
Bringing home a brand-new life
His name is Sammy I'm big brother Dean
The perfect family Or so it seemed
The demon's visits had begun
- Ah! - It believed Sam was the chosen one.
It burned my mother And it cursed my brother
Leaving us in tears
On the road so far
Yeah, the road so far
We are in Dad's car
On the road
Turn around!
So far
Dad was driven, no turning back
He wouldn't stop without the payback
He trained us both to Track and hunt and kill
He took away our own free will
So that's where we are
On the road so far
Saving people Hunting things
Family business Back in swing
Driving down the road so far
MAEVE [OVER RADIO]: Ready in five, four, three, two, go.
[LABORED BREATHING]
MAGGIE: Agent Smith?
- Where the hell are we? - School's basement.
Scarecrow brought us down here.
- Yeah, I tried that days ago. - So, what, we're stuck in here'?
WOMAN: That's right.
You're gonna miss the big show.
[GRUNTING]
Okay, so you can pop in tomorrow morning.
Yes. I'll just...
...wait here, then.
- So, what do we do now? - Just stick to the plan, okay?
Keep singing until the scarecrow comes for you.
GIRL [SINGING]: That's what I'll do
[PIANO PLAYING MELODY]
I'll just wait here, then
Wait for my cue
I raised you from perdition To be God's ammunition
But now you need some rest So I will do what's best
And just wait here, then
That's all I'll do
I'll just wait here, then
I'll wait for you
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
I've consumed many authors, many stories.
But tonight, soon as that curtain opened...
...I knew something special was brewing with this one.
Maybe it's because the story's actual inspiration's here.
Mm. I don't know.
I guess I'm just gonna have to kill you and your brother to find out.
Don't you have to wait until the vision has been realized?
Heh. Oh, gods. If I have to sit through that second act one more time...
There's robots and tentacles in space. I can't even.
[CHORUS SINGING IN LATIN]
[SINGING] A single man tear Slips down his face
He shows emotion Without a trace
He hides behind A mask so strong
Worried that he Could be wrong
I wish that he could see the way I see him
The perfect brother A man without sin
'Cause underneath the manly sheen
It is my brother A boy named Dean
A single man tear A single man tear
That's all we fear
[CHORUS SINGING IN LATIN]
[SINGING] A single man tear That's all I'll spare
We're through the looking glass here, people.
Strike the Wendigo set. Prep the priest costumes.
And, Sarah, get our understudies into hair and makeup.
SAM: So why this story, huh? Why, uh, Supernatural?
Supernatural has everything.
Life. Death. Resurrection. Redemption.
- The stake. CALLIOPE: But above all...
- Get it. - ...family.
All set to music you can really tap your toe to.
It isn't some meandering piece of genre dreck.
It's epic.
SIOBHAN [SINGING]: But underneath this broken mask
[ALL GASP]
It is my father With all his wrath
CALLIOPE: And that...
...well, that is my bag of tea.
- Bag this. - Ungh!
SIOBHAN [SINGING]: My own man
But underneath this broken mask
It is my father With all his wrath
A single man tear A single man tear
No chick-flick moment.
[ALL GRUNTING]
[ALL GASP]
[SHRIEKING]
[ALL GASP]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Take a bow, Sammy.
Usually this is where Sam and Dean take off before anyone asks questions.
That's probably a good idea.
- Thanks for saving my friends. - Sure.
You know, if you cut your hair a little, you'd make a pretty good Dean.
- Thanks. - Well, you did good out there, kid.
You're not so bad yourself.
You know, this has been educational.
Seeing the story from your perspective.
You keep writing, Shakespeare.
Even if it doesn't match how you see it?
I have my version, and you have yours.
- One minute, folks. One minute. DEAN: Okay.
Dean?
You never should have thrown this away.
It never really worked.
I don't need a symbol to remind me how I feel about my brother. So...
Just take it, jerk.
Bitch.
- Right. Okay. MAEVE: Sound car start.
[ENGINE SOUND EFFECT REVS]
Stand by.
Curtain go.
I guess we can go back to staring at motel-room walls.
SAM: You know what, Dean? You were right.
Staying cooped up isn't helping us.
- We need... - We need to be back on the road, Dean...
...doing what we do best.
What is that?
MARIE: I don't know anymore. - It's the, uh, BM scene.
- Saving people. Hunting things. - The bowel-movement scene?
- You know, the family business. - No. Shh. Just: shh.
You're right, Sammy. Out on the road.
Just the two of us.
The two of us against the world.
What she said.
[PIANO PLAYING "CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON"]
[SINGING] Carry on my wayward son
There?! be peace when you are done
BOTH: Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more
ALL: Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
Who's that'?
Oh, that's Adam, John Winchester's other kid.
He's still trapped in a cage in hell with Lucifer.
Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man
It surely means I don't know
Carry on my wayward son
There?! be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more
Carry on
[APPLAUSE]
MARIE: Thanks so much for coming.
Oh, bye. Sorry. Thank you. Thank you.
The ticket you left for the publisher. Someone claimed it.
Oh, my gosh.
But wait, does that mean that Calliope came for me or for...?
Who cares? Go, fan girl.
Um, hi. Thank you so much for coming. Uh...
I know the second act is a little bit wonky, and the first act has some issues...
...but what did you think?
Not bad.
[English - US - SDH]